Concluzie dupa 11 ani de viata

Acum 11 ani in dorinta de a astupa durerea...lipsa...ce o port in suflet m-am casatorit cu un suflet ce am crezut ca-mi va pute oferi ceea ce aveam nevoie pentru a-mi amutii strigatele sufletului.Am gresit considerind ca ma pot amagi pe mine insumi.O greseala ce ma costat mai mult decit as vrea sa cred...o greseala ...in care am angrenat si alte doua suflete nevinovate....doi copii a caror copilarie deja e poate marcata de problemele dintre mine si ea...o copilarie...ce e mai fragil...si mai pur in viata unui om....am incercat sa fac totul pentru ca sa fie bine...am dorit ca familia mea sa fie locul unde voi gasi puterea de a zimbi din nou ...locul unde dragostea sa fie la ea acasa....linistea...Totul...totul e haos,tot ce am vrut... nimic din ceea ce mi-am dorit nu e cum as fi vrut...nimic...Da sint nefericit...nefericit pentru ca fericirea mea depinde de fericirea celor dragi mie.Spunem ca lasam fericirea sa treaca pe linga noi,...ca nu mai stim cum arata.....Ce inseamna atunci sa vezi pe chipul celor dragi un zimbet pur si nu unul fals....ce inseamna sa vezi in privirile lor ..cit de mult tin la tine...ce inseamna sa stii ca inimile lor au acelasi ritm cu propia-ti inima...Ne ascundem dupa banale cuvinte...banale explicatii ce defapt ne adincesc in ....intr-o viata mizerabila...intr-o viata in care uitam pentru ce sintem aici...pentru ce traim.
Am gresit...dar totul trebuie sa se sfirseasca iar eu va trebui sa suport consecintele...E vina mea.. eu am inceput....si sfirsitul tot mie imi apartine....


Monday, December 14, 2009
Conclusion after 11 years of life

They are 11 years from the time when whit the desire to stop the pain ... the lack ... what i have in my soul, I married a women that I thought could give me what I needed to bring peace in my soul.A big mistake Considering that I can fool my soul.A mistake that cost me more than I want to believe ... a mistake ...in that we engaged two innocent souls .... two children whose childhood is already marked by the problems between me and her ... ... a childhood ... what is more fragile and more pure in human life .... I tried to do everything to be fine ... i wanted for my family to be the place where i find the strength to smile again ... where the love is at her home .... silence ... Everything ... everything is chaos, all I wanted ... nothing, that I wanted is not how I wanted ... anything ... Yes ... unhappy i'm unhappy because my happiness depends on the happiness of loved ones.We say that we let pass the hapines besides us... we do not know what he looks like ..... What means then if you see a smile on the faces of loved ones a pure smile and not a false one .... what it means to see in their eyes .. how much I care about you .. . what it means to know that their hearts have the same rhythm with your own heart ... We like to hide behind trivial words ... mundane explanations that we actually go deep in a miserable life ... a life where we forget what we are here ... why we live.
I was wrong ... but everything has to be done with and I will have to bear the consequences ... It's my fault .. I started .... and end is all mine ....